Here.

WHO’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

I feel like Gab’s last post, the most recent post on this blog, deserved the honored position at top of the site, so every time I think of writing, I decide I’d rather leave it there at the top instead.

But a lot of life keeps happening. And this is our place to chronicle it together.

Two lives have happened since the last post – Tessa’s lil Frances Bernadette was born in September and my lil Magdalena Lazaro Ramona was born on December’s Friday the 13th.

I’m sitting at a coffee table in Starbucks on Friday the 13th of March. There’s a lot going on right now, to oversimplify it. The Coronavirus scare is shutting down schools left and right, and if professors’ educated guesses prove accurate, we will be spending our last two months of law school studying remotely from home. No more classes IRL. No IRL finals. Possibly no IRL graduation. Maybe it’s a good thing I haven’t gotten to renting my cap and gown yet.

The whole world is scrambling to make similar decisions (to clarify: the world is not picking gown sizes). Margaret’s at home too, as SC4 and PHN closed. How will the world come back to normal after this? I don’t expect that “things just won’t be the same on the other side,” but I do imagine that the coming-down-from-the-quarantine high will be – at minimum – interesting to watch. People will have been forced to spend time with their families for a few weeks. Detach from their routines and step away from their well-worn tracks. Come together. I just hope that people take this opportunity to return to a more human level of stillness, togetherness, and empathy without losing it in paroxysms of fear and anxiety.

Because fear and anxiety are bad for the immune system, and you’re gonna wanna keep that immune system firing on all cylinders. And that’s the real pandemic – fear.

And because life is too short not to chill out and love better.

Happy chaos, bon chance!

Phil

P.S. the title is supposed to be punny because WHO is the World Health Organization and they’re. losing. it. right now. Duh.

Come Hell or High Water

Well, that’s what I said till the high water came in with Dorian…

I’ve been graced with an extra week to spend with some of you. It’s been well spent I think. In some ways it makes leaving harder though, the longer I’m here and in other ways, it makes me more excited for my future. It’s incredibly awesome to see you guys starting and living your lives and not just limping along, but actually doing well for yourselves. It’s going to be hard not knowing about what is happening in your lives–there’s always so much happening.

I’m sure you’ll write once in a while. I’m sure.

The only thing I really ask from you gals is to pray for me and pray hard. I’ll be praying for you, be assured of that!! I look forward to seeing you again and especially to seeing you in heaven!!

Add “Switzerland” after Salvan and you’re good to go. In case of emergency, email this address to have info relayed: novtherese@fsspx.ch

I love you guys.

I think I screwed up.

I made us move into this apartment because I was so nervous we wouldn’t find anything later in the summer. I was so paranoid and I definitely wasn’t having faith that God would take care of us. So I made us come check out a duplex in a place Jefferson didn’t even want to look, and even though it’s bigger and we got excited about it briefly, it’s a disaster.

We dumped so much money into moving in here. There’s nothing that can be done about it now. But our landlady is refusing to “believe” that we have septic issues, so we can’t use the toilets without them backing up, or shower without the toilets refusing to flush afterwards and needing to be plunged, and we sure as heck can’t risk doing laundry with the high volume of water it would push through the drain system! I’m not even kidding, if this isn’t resolved soon I’m going to take further rash action and convince Jefferson we need to file a civil suit. Only I don’t know if that would just enable us to stay here with a clearly shitty landlady, or if that would let us loose to keep looking for another abode… right after we just finished (almost finished) moving in here. I can’t take the stress.

On top of these things, the electrical sockets in the kitchen randomly decide when they want to work or not work, and there is mold in both toilet tanks, which can be removed, but it’s a fairly arduous process, and my allergies just from spending less than a week in this house are already turning into a head cold – my sinuses can’t take this crap again. Last time I had a bad bout of allergies it turned into an ear infection needing antibiotics… and my health insurance expires in 11 days, so neither a doctor visit nor antibiotics will be in the cards then. Not to mention that in about 3 days Mary will be back with Gabrielle and Antigone (who we are VERY excited to see!!! But, you get my drift, right?) And our next midwife appointment is a week from today – I’ll be 28 weeks which means that after that I’m going from one appointment per month (at home) to an appointment every other week because I’ll finally be third trimester.

And Jefferson can’t sleep at night since he started his new job almost 3 weeks ago since he’s beyond stressed. He’s so restless… he used to sleep like the dead and now when I wake up each hour of the night, he’s thrashing about and talking in his sleep and doing everything but resting. So having to deal with all this on top of that is a nightmare for him… all because I put us in this shitty situation.

I think I’m stressed…. what do you think?

Gals, please please please pray for us. We need it, a ton.

ptb.

La la la laa laa

I am giving a spelling test while I write this, and I should most definitely be multitasking in some other way. (Who am I kidding? Jefferson just informed me last night that women can’t multitask.)

Now the kids are taking a grammar test. The nice thing about this week is we have lots of tests. The rough thing about this week is that we have lots of tests that all need to be graded and entered in the system by midnight on Friday. Good luck.

I can’t wait for school to be out. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself, but I’ll tell you right now it won’t involve driving two hours per day, or waking up before 6am (you know, until Frances arrives at least…)

But really, I should get to grading… these piles won’t grade themselves. And I have to organize all the classroom materials to be inspected tomorrow at lunch time. It’s going to be a royal pain. Why must everything be “due” Friday? We have most of next week here too…

Several kids have already “checked out” of this grammar test and are staring at walls. I mean, I saw it coming, and I can’t 100% blame them, seeing as I’m procrastinating just as much… but it’s still painful to watch. I know the grades will go accordingly.

I cannot wait for Gabrielle and Antigone to be here!

We spent the evening at the Johanni’s last night because they’re leaving for the summer in WA and we won’t see them except as they drop by on their way out of town tonight to drop off some perishables with us. They’re going to be gone until August. Mary is going to be gone about a month of the summer as well. Just about the time my own time and energy frees up to do things with people, they all take off! But. Gab and Tig will be coming at the end of June. Gabrielle will be here until, what, the first week of September you’re leaving? The last week of August? And Antigone I believe is leaving right after her birthday in mid-August. So at least all of July should be fun with “everybody” around.

I used the bathroom under an hour ago before all the kids got into class, and I already need to go again. Pathetic. My next “break” where I could persuade another teacher to keep an ear out for my class is at 10:00, so this is gonna be interesting.

I’m super tired. Got into bed somewhere around 1am. Okay, me. Stop talking. Go grade.

Ciao.

My last post, maybe?

Since no one but Tessa and I post on here and if rather just call and hear her voice, I just might stop writing on this. I do find it sad though that we can’t really keep up any one trail of correspondence. Just promise me you’ll wow as often when I’m in the convent… Twice a year–no less.

I’m over the moon that the school year is wrapping up so quickly! Mostly this is due to the dreary, rainy, and dark weather we’ve had for the past week, but also because my students are as ready for summer break as I am.

I’ve been in regular contact with the novitiate and things are progressing. My official arrival date is (tentatively) set for September 3rd. Once my Visa is secured, this will be concrete. VISA… I’m a little nervous, but God has provided for everything else, so.. It’s all in my head. If one of the Floridians would let me use their address as home base, and maybe let me use a car to go a little North of Orlando (or road trip with me!!) I’d be indebted. First off, I have to become a Florida resident… Pops just told me an ID is $50!! That’s nuts.

It will be tough to say goodbye to this place and it absolutely had been one heck of a year. I have one more thing to do to my chalice pall before it’s finished, and then I think I’ll give it away on Father’s Day. I’m SUPER excited to see all you Floridians and I really look forward to the months we’ll have together. I also really look forward to ordinations! For those of you who didn’t hear, we had 64 some seminarians here last (2 Sundays ago) weekend and it was just the most incredible thing.

I’ve been reading a lot of books and most recently a book on the Holy Eucharist by St. Alphonsus and it’s really incredible. Give it a read.

so.

I’m going crazy. Stir crazy…

I really need to write to process all the thoughts, but I haven’t written longhand (ie, journaling) in years now, and my blog is on hiatus until Jefferson and I discuss… some elements… of my posting… about our lives… on my very public blog… so… I’m going nuts.

What is up with you guys?! Tell me things. All the things. AAaaalllll the things!

 

It has been the most crazy week and the most beautiful weekend, and I am tired, injured, and excited for every minute of the rest of my life.. Including waking up at 5 to go to mass before finishing lesson plans and having 13 smiling faces staring up at me.

Pax Tecum

I have abandonment issues.

Baby Stuffs: an autobiographical novella by LilT

“Perhaps, if I write something less serious,” she pondered, “perhaps then they’d respond.”

She straightened her two year old 5K tshirt so it covered her love handles, sat a little straighter on the couch, and pushed her glasses higher up the center of her nose. Ready. Ready for something less serious.

She began to type, and it went something like this:

“Hey guys. I felt the baby the other day. For a while I’ve been feeling …something… indistinguishable from the rumbly intestines which are so much easier to feel while pregnant than any other time, apparently. But this time there was 0% doubt in my mind that it was the mango-sized human in my belly.

I’ve felt it in the sense of I’m-clearly-expanding, and something-is-squishing-my-bladder, but that isn’t the same way of perceiving a presence as this was.

It was Easter Monday, I was off work and hanging out still in bed talking to Jefferson mid morning. I was lying on my stomach, which I can still do with ease, thankfully, since it’s one of the positions that makes my lower back not-hurt for a change. So I was just lying half propped up on both elbows having a conversation, when I felt the most tremendously huge movement. Completely unmistakable, both for the size of the child and the place where it happened – a little above my hip bones, extending from one side of my torso to the other (kid’s like 6+inches from head to butt at this point). I think he must have had his back facing out to my front, but from the position I was lying in, his little body completely rolled over inside me. What a peculiar sensation, let me tell you! I literally was able to lie flatter because the little ridge of his back was then around the other way nearer to my back, so he too was lying face down. (If this description doesn’t make sense, I guess imagine a large water balloon with a banana in it… and the banana flipped over so the balloon could be set on the counter…?)”

“Ugh, what a terrible description!” she complained inwardly. And outwardly. “Oh well, maybe they get it?” She continued without stopping to ask…

“Since then I’ve felt a couple jostles that I’d give 95% certainty were also the babe. The same night we went to Jefferson’s sister’s symphony orchestra/choir performance, and I swear the kid was responding to the music.

We still can’t feel anything from the outside of my belly. Well, I can’t. Jefferson says he’s felt him move while pressing on my belly. I don’t know, maybe he has. But mostly what I feel when I touch my belly is that I can feel the pulse of my womb… which is itself a very odd experience. Of course, my own blood volume has almost doubled (and will have doubled before the end) so a lot of that is my own pulse being stronger too.

Anyway, that’s my story. I felt the baby.

Tonight we’re having our monthly budget meeting to look at how our finances are going into May. Since it’s the last month of teaching, it’ll be my last month of steady income. I’m looking into summer work but we’ll see what comes of it. What I’m getting at is that if our finances are in order, we’re going to ask the midwife at our appointment on Wednesday if she will give us another referral for a second ultrasound. By this stage we should for sure be able to see what gender our baby is, if he cooperates positionally that is. As of Wednesday this week I’ll be 20 weeks along, which is HALF WAY through this kid’s gestation. Ridiculous!”

She stopped there, not sure if she had anything else to say. Everything else was off topic, but the way her mind was working these days, that wasn’t surprising. She had never been so absent minded and forgetful in all her life as she’d been the past two weeks. She wasn’t sure if that was more frustrating, or all those headaches that had plagued her before. Certainly the headaches were worse, this was merely inconvenient. She had even thrown $25 of her husband’s in the trash the weekend before, and realized it the next day, fortunately in time for a successful dumpster diving operation. Disgusting. But she knew she deserved it for being so careless in the first place. Perhaps now that her headaches were alleviated, and her antibiotic was gone, she’d start to feel more like herself again…

Only time would tell.